Your Child Is Your Mirror

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Not too long ago Ethan came home from school telling us that a classmate of his was sent to the Discipline Teacher for a misconduct in class. I asked him what did that classmate of his do and he told me that he shoved another classmate against the wall, strangled him, put his fingers in that boy’s mouth and tried to tear it open for taking his eraser. The attacker basically had an outburst; shouting and getting violent over an eraser. I was horrified to hear that. This is Primary One pupils we are talking about!

When the teacher found out about the incident, the first question she asked the boy was, “Where did you learn that? Did your parents do that or do you see it in the movies?” It struck me hard when I found out that one of the first questions the teacher asked was, ‘Did your parents do that?’ It made me realize that our kids are a reflection of us. I mean I’ve always known that but hearing from Ethan telling us like that hit me hard. It’s like I finally understood the consequences of our actions as parents to our children.

What breaks my heart is I finally understand why Ethan has been ‘angry’ lately. In case you don’t know, let me share with you my story. Some of you may have known that I’m finding it hard to communicate with Ethan lately as he gets temperamental easily. One word from me and he’ll start getting defensive. At times, I wasn’t even reprimanding him but he’ll automatically say it’s not his fault.

As I take a step back and ponder upon the months that passed us by, I noticed a pattern. A pattern that revolved around me, Ethan and Ayden. I was always busy with Ayden and gets irritated easily when Ethan messed up the tiniest bit. Even when he accidentally spilled water I’ll scream and make him clean it up. When he needs help with his homework, I’ll always brush him off saying ‘not now. Mommy’s busy, use your dictionary’. Now, when the Daddy speaks to Ethan, Ethan will answer him harshly too. As I look at Ethan from the corner of the room, I realized that he speaks exactly like how I spoke to him; harshly and in such a hurried manner.

That night, when the kids are asleep, I talked to Darling. I told him that something is wrong. I’ve been ‘away’ from Ethan’s life for months now. I want to spend time with him, I need to be in his life again. We came to a solution. We agree that Darling will take over Ayden in the evenings so I can concentrate on Ethan and we did just that.

Parenting is hard work. We won’t know if we are doing it correctly until we see the effects (usually the bad ones) on our kids and realised that something is wrong. It scares me to think that a child as young as 7 can have a temper outburst that bad.

I hope we are not too late to guide Ethan again. I need to check my temper myself. Sometimes when we are tired, tempers flare easily but what good does it do to everyone around us? My policy from today onwards is, if it doesn’t make it better, then don’t do/say it. Often, we say hurtful things when we are angry only to regret it later.

It’s tough bringing up a child. It’s tougher bringing up two. But at the end of the day, I won’t trade it for anything in this world.

I’m blessed to have both Ethan and Ayden in my life and I promise to be a better mother. Please grant me more patience as that is all I need for now…