How do you deal with a school bully?
It has been Ethan’s dream to attend preschool since he found out his other friends are also attending it. We had no choice but to give in and let him experience what Kindergarten is all about. I thought since Ethan is already doing well academically, the more important factor of preschool is to socialize hence I did not bother to go for any ‘branded franchise’ kind of Kindy but to just enroll him into the neighborhood kindergarten. This kindergarten is in a Church so I thought how bad could it be but boy am I wrong, BIG TIME!
From the first day of school Ethan has been bullied by two boys. They punched and take away his belongings. They threw away his school bag. Read about his ordeal here. We did not want to interfere as we thought this is just part and parcel of going to school experience but day after day the bullying got more intense. Ethan got kicked in the stomach and when he tried to defend himself, the boy slapped him on the face!
I noticed Ethan is acting kind of aggressive at home these days. Simple little things annoyed him. He tries to pick a fight with his Dad for no apparent reason at all. Then yesterday, after shower he went to sit on the couch alone. As I was walking out of the kitchen, I saw Ethan shivering and punching his fist against the sofa! I hurried towards him, grabbed hold of his shoulder and called out to him. He wasn’t looking at me. I shook him and then he looked at me. I told him it was ME, it is ME, his mother! He stopped and hugged me, he hugged me so tight! I tried hard to hold back my tears. I combed his hair and Darling and I sent him to BaoBei for his Mandarin class. He loves going to BaoBei. The teachers there love him.
I felt uneasy and contacted the Pastor’s wife and was given the teacher’s contact number. Darling called her but what came out of the conversation crushed my heart even more. The teacher simply said that the bully is a ‘special’ kid, a hyper-active kid. She insisted that Ethan is equally active and he initiated the ‘friendship’ on Day 1 of Kindy by playing with that boy. The teacher said that they have told Ethan to ignore and stay away from the boy. Darling answered, “It was Ethan’s first day. It is good enough he took the initiative to make friends with others! How should he know that the boy is hyperactive and even so, is that your way of handling ‘special’ kids – by telling other kids to ignore him?!’ Do you think that is fair to that boy?!”
The conversation got from bad to worse as the teacher said that she understands our situation that Ethan was home-schooled hence his inability to adapt to all these. Darling wanted to slam the phone right then as instead of showing some concern she is trying to push the blame back to us. She kept saying that Ethan did not report the matter to her and Darling told her that Ethan reported each incident to the teachers that is in the class AT THE MOMENT OF BULLY. How does she expect Ethan, a 5+ kid to run out of class to FIND HER to report the case to her? It is good enough he is able to report the matter to the respective teachers on duty. That also shows that the teachers are not cooperative as they did not inform the class teacher about it! Darling also reminded her that HE himself have told her ONCE but nothing is being done about it!
We asked about the boy’s background but the teacher vehemently told Darling that she wont allow us to meet the boy nor the parents to discuss this matter. I was a former preschool teacher. I handled much more complicated case before. When things become out of control I’ll call the parents of both parties to meet up in the school office. I’ll act as the mediator but here, the teacher is not willing to do that. She won’t let us meet the parents and the only one we can speak to is HER who is not even trying to help us in any way at all!
I hid in the corner of the bookstore trying to hold back my tears. I felt that I’ve made the worst decision ever by sending Ethan there. I’ve caused him to be traumatized. I wasn’t able to hold back my tears anymore. I ran towards the washroom and hid in the cubicle crying my heart out.
How do you deal with a school bully when the REAL bully are the TEACHERS themselves? :'(
P/S: Last night we asked Ethan how he wants to handle this. He requested to change school. He said he can’t stand those bullies anymore. We agreed and told him next week will be the last schooling week for March and asked if he still wants to attend. After giving it some thought he said, “OK because I have Sports Day on Saturday” I am reluctant to let him go to class this morning. But he made me calculate that today, next Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday will be the last days. He’ll skip school on Thursday as he’ll need to go to KL for an outdoor TV recording. I’ll see how today goes. If the bullying continues then I’ll make him skip the entire of next week and just attend the Sports Day on Saturday :(
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I am a mother to two boys; Ethan and Ayden and a wife to Darling William. I'm a stay at home mum who blogs to break the monotony of life and to avoid feeling jaded. Would love to get to know all the Super Mommies and Daddies and Babies or Singles out there with the hope that we can learn more from each other. Most of all, I am a happy person, and I hope YOU are too.
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