What is my net worth?
I went to Menara UAC today to collect a couple of prizes I won recently. I’ve never been there and requested for Darling to accompany me but as we arrived, he has no where to park the car. He told me to go on my own and the first thing that I blurted out was, “But I don’t know where the place is!”
Darling rolled his eyes and said, “It’s at Level 5. Go to the lift and PRESS 5!”
I went in alone, suddenly feeling so lost. I remembered decades ago I can go to any corporate building, as confident as I am for a job interview. And when I was doing Sales last time I can even go from buildings to buildings trying to close some deals day in day out.
But today, I stood there. Not moving, trying to figure out where the elevator is. It must be straight ahead I thought and so I walked some more. I saw the elevator ajar. I went straight in. I pressed 5 and waited for it to close. The lady behind me got irritated and stepped in front hastily to hold the CLOSE button. Okay, so I’ve not used the elevator for so long. I am not aware that you can’t wait a couple of seconds longer for it to close on its own >_<
I exited at Level 5. Saw the company I was looking for and showed the receptionist the email I received. I did not even open my mouth to speak. I let the receptionist read almost the entire email just to figure out why I was there. So happenned that the person-in-charge was just next to me that moment and invited me to sit down while she go retrieve my prizes.
She came back with my prizes and talked a little bit. She recognized me as Submerryn as the contest is Facebook based and somehow blog related. I see all these corporate ladies and suddenly flashes of my yesteryears played in my head. It overwhelms me.
I used to be that lady who always strive for the best. I started work during the last quarter of my college years, juggling studies and work at the same time and has never been jobless for more than a week throughout my working history until I quit to be a full-time mom when I delivered Ethan.
Look at me now. What happened to that once feisty me? Where has all that fire gone to?
I see all these successful corporate women and I envy them. I don’t look forward to month end, or beginning of the month or even middle of the month as to me, they are all the same. Back when I was working, month end is the best as that only means salary time. Now… it’s all the same, every day of the month.
I question myself, “what is my net worth right now?”
I see all these corporate women making decisions of their own, being independent and I wonder, “what happened to me?”
Today, my internet connection was down. I was left all alone at home while Ethan went for his Mandarin class. I found myself LOST not knowing what to do. I am so used to being in front of the PC either blogging or doing something related that today I felt so down not being able to complete my ‘job’.
I want to be powerful, I want to be somebody in the corporate world again but reality is I gave all that up the day I delivered Ethan. I’m a full-time mom now and seeing him grow is what drives me to do better each day…
But deep down, I miss my old self; the independent me… Unconsciously I’ve turned into a clingy wife, a boring mother…
And in the middle of the color cartoon I started to cry….
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Home is where MY heart is.
I am a mother to two boys; Ethan and Ayden and a wife to Darling William. I'm a stay at home mum who blogs to break the monotony of life and to avoid feeling jaded. Would love to get to know all the Super Mommies and Daddies and Babies or Singles out there with the hope that we can learn more from each other. Most of all, I am a happy person, and I hope YOU are too.
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